Would you give it all up?

Acts 2:45

45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had a need.

 

 

The book continues…  This exert is following a chapter on suicide (a failed attempt) and dual diagnosis.  I can’t give away the entire book, but the suggestions and emails that I am receiving are encouraging to say the least, so I thought I’d post a little more.  There are solutions.

 

…as I look back, I wonder what it would have taken at that moment, to admit myself into a detox.  Clearly, I needed it.  Clearly, I was spiritually dead.  Or was I?  If someone, a stranger, would have approached me and said to come with them to their church service at that very minute, would have I went?  Probably not, however, I would have wanted to deep inside of me.  What would have stopped me?  A couple of reasons that were very true in my sober mind now, and exaggerated in my drunken mind then:

A perceived judgment from others.  At a church? At a 12 step meeting? Yep.

A perceived judgment from God himself. Definitely.

…and lastly, but most importantly: self-imposed detachment from my vodka – my god.

…I once walked into a random church (on a Friday evening) straight from a detox hospital. This particular church had started a “movie night” and I literally had nothing else to do.  I was going to sleep outside that night. I had no food, no alcohol, and no money.  I was in a city that I was completely unfamiliar with.  I had never been there before.  My backpack with everything I owned on my shoulder – and I just kept telling myself that people would think I was a student of some sort. Right! 40 something years old with a 5 o’clock shadow and I could smell myself – a student! I recall walking through the enormous parking lot that had just begun receiving cars.  I told myself that once I got closer to the building, people wouldn’t realize that I had walked.  They would believe I had a car just like everyone else.  I remember being impressed that the church had the city police directing traffic and there were members of the church holding up signs to help point people in the right direction.

I walked in and proceeded down an escalator!  Yep, this place had an escalator.  I had never seen that before.  I continued to follow the crowd and couldn’t believe my eyes, when, near the entrance to the sanctuary (or auditorium) were coolers full of soda, coffee pots lined up with fancy cups (with lids!) and more “members” handing out bags of popcorn and candy!

How did they know I was hungry?  I couldn’t show any eagerness and take these snacks and drinks – could I?  Nope, that would make me appear homeless.  I did get a cup of coffee and thought: this will numb my stomach hunger pangs and get me through.

I entered the massive auditorium and found a seat in the nosebleeds, away from everyone else.  The music started.  There was live music with real instruments.  There were laser lights and smoke machines.  The soundboard was as large as a dining room table and there were professional movie cameras everywhere – one of which was on a telescoping boom that looked like it should be at a professional football stadium.  The music boomed.  The singer’s voices were incredible and sent waves of shivers down my spine.  God was there.  No doubt, no disputes, God himself was sitting right next to me and tears were streaming down my face uncontrollably.

If only the church knew what was going on with me.

Would they help me?

They didn’t ask.

I won’t tell them – and I didn’t.

…What did the 12 Apostles do and say at their brand new churches to convince sinners that Jesus saved them?  Why can’t I feel this way? If I did feel this way, would I stop (or try to stop) drinking? How did they persuade thousands of people to feel the mercy and grace of our Lord?  I had to know.  I don’t want to hang my head down anymore, but people and shame hindered my every move.  Do I quake in fear of being identified with Jesus?  Yes, but why?  Probably in part due to the fear of the same persecution that they encountered.  Maybe the same reason the “big book” added later “as we understood Him” to simply God.  Fear and self will…

Comments and emails invited 🙂

Courage to change the things I can…

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I haven’t been able to write for a few days due to the fact that we’ve been traveling. During our travels, we encountered an animal rescue.  We have been on the search for a dog or puppy lately and we refuse to buy one when there are so many  “free” or discarded dogs already available.  We passed the rescue and went about our daily plans, but we couldn’t stop thinking and talking about the rescue and maybe we could find the pup we’ve been looking for finally.  We decided that we would make time to go back there and look around.  There began the problem.  We noticed that almost all of the dogs were malnourished and unhappy.  I am not a dog whisper, bud they all seemed sad.  It would make sense if a couple of them were skinny, but not most of them!   When I enquired about the condition of the animals, I was not given any suitable reasoning, and in fact, the fella in charge seemed to not care at all.  We left angry.  In my drinking days, this anger would cause more drinking!  Today, I don’t, but I still have the fierce determination to make things right.

We recite the Serenity Prayer at most 12 step meetings.  Do we ever break it down and reflect on what it means to us?  What do we do when we need to stay sober and a major personal issue affects us so deeply?  Let it go? Fix it?  Can we?

Breaking down a problem and solving it sober, politically correct, Christian like and not self-serving:  Tough one.

Our Bible study topic this morning:  Doing the right thing when you feel that your attempt might cause unjust consequences.   But if by doing what is right fixes injustice and provides truth we would essentially be “…doers of the word and not hearers only…” (James 1:22) 

 

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A small mouse crept up to a sleeping lion. The mouse admired
the lion’s ears, his long whiskers and his great mane. 

“Since he’s sleeping,” thought the mouse, “he’ll never suspect I’m here!” 

With that, the little mouse climbed up onto the lion’s tail, ran across its back,
slid down its leg and jumped off of its paw. The lion awoke and quickly caught
the mouse between its claws. 

“Please,” said the mouse, “let me go and I’ll come back and help you 
 someday.” 

The lion laughed, “You are so small! How could ever help me?” 

The lion laughed so hard he had to hold his belly! The mouse jumped to freedom
and ran until she was far, far away. 

The next day, two hunters came to the jungle. They went to the lion’s lair. 
They set a huge rope snare. When the lion came home that night, he stepped into the
trap. 

He roared! He wept! But he couldn’t pull himself free. 

The mouse heard the lion’s pitiful roar and came back to help him. 

The mouse eyed the trap and noticed the one thick rope that held it together. 
She began nibbling and nibbling until the rope broke. The lion was able to shake
off the other ropes that held him tight. He stood up free again! 

The lion turned to the mouse and said, “Dear friend, I was foolish to ridicule
you for being small. You helped me by saving my life after all!” 

Moral of the story: No matter the size, everyone can help, and be just as important!

What happens if the mighty lion instead turns and eats the mouse?

 

I think inaction is out of the question, but the lion can sometimes be very intimidating.  Maybe wisdom tells us that many mice would have a better chance?  We thought that maybe by donating money that it would, in turn, help the animals.  We only needed to recall the fella in charge’s demeanor and realized that wouldn’t help. We also thought about volunteering, but the rescue was too far away.  Should we have faith that there must be a reason God is allowing this to happen?  We don’t think so.  God is love.

Today’s Bible study is more of reflection than a possible solution.  Doing the right thing takes courage, prayer, and faith.  I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments if you have time.

Todays verse to “chew on”:

Isaiah 1:17

17 Learn to do good.
    Seek justice.
Help the oppressed.
    Defend the cause of orphans.
    Fight for the rights of widows.

 

Keywords: learn, seek, help, defend, and fight.

 

Alcoholics Regrets:

Jeremiah 6:15

15 Are they ashamed of their disgusting actions?
    Not at allthey don’t even know how to blush!
Therefore, they will lie among the slaughtered.
    They will be brought down when I punish them,”
    says the Lord.

The shame, remorse, guilt, sorrow, and pain of my regrets have many a time led me straight to the liquor store (or gas station)!  In the past, I have “played the tape” over and over and the result was always the same: I am a failure.

  • People don’t need me.
  • Employers don’t want me.
  • And there’s no way that God can love me.
  • Better drink.  I’ll feel better and forget about that sh*t.  That works, we all know it or we wouldn’t do it.

But wait a second…  If I read the Bible verse above, isn’t God Himself angry at these people (referring to the people of Judah who won’t listen to God’s repeated warnings) for NOT being ashamed?

In fact, they were hard headed and spent 40 years wandering around the desert instead of just listening to God in the first place.  How long am I going to “wander around in the desert” before I listen? It is important to know that their decision killed some of them, but at the end of the day (when they decided to change) God redeemed them!

The old me firmly believed that alcohol (and sometimes money) was the only solution for soothing my terrible emotions brought on by regretful actions AND this is important:  Those regrets were caused by my solution!

Hmmm…

 

Being that I am fairly new in sobriety “this time around” and that I don’t know everything there is to know about the Bible, I have two choices:

Plan A: Drink.

Plan B: Verify this new solution, and CHANGE my old ways.

I am ready to minimize my possible future regrets, so I choose B.

Isaiah 43:18-19

18 “But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do19 For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?  I will make a pathway through the wilderness.  I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Wow!  And…

2 Corinthians 7:10

10 For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.

 

Even better!!  Getting excited.

Philippians 3:13-14

13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Kind of makes me regret never taking the time to surrender to change years ago.  I’m guessing some of the Judeans thought the same thing.

 

Well, here I am now and I know that I don’t want to drink again.  I’d like to respect myself.  I know that I’d like my family, friends, and employers to do the same and I need God in my life.

 

I know that it is a sin to continue to do or even entertain doing the same things that caused most of my regrets.  Also, at the root of most of my regrets is the failure to love.  The failure to love myself, my God, my family, friends, and others.

Here is an experiment that I am going to present you with to give an idea of that love:

Fill in the blank with any description or title you’d like: Alcoholic, Addict, Gay, Lesbian, Angry, etc., etc.

“When you claim you’re a(n) ________, do you mean that you embrace something good and God like?  Or, do you view that as something to resist and by participating in it you will develop future regrets?”

Just for today, I will look ahead at my alcoholism as something to resist and I will stay sober and grow in Christ.

I will not regret the time wasted on entertaining regret and instead, I will reflect and be comforted by the lessons learned.  That comfort will propel me forward instead of backwards.

Sorry, this came out so late today.  I hope it helps someone.  Comments are welcomed.

Today’s verse to “chew on”:

2 Samuel 12:13-17

13 Then David confessed to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan replied, “Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin.

The Devil’s always knocking…

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It’s Wednesday.  For most of us, the positive spin we put on Wednesday is: “It’s Hump Day”.  I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t put a spark in me.  Most just put on a half smile when someone else reminds us that we are in the middle of the week.

Recovery can be monotonous at best.  It’s almost at times like I am a robot.  The talk around the kitchen coffee pot this morning was scattered. There was little talk about God. We were running way behind.  I knew that I wanted to write this morning, however, I had no topic. No Bible study prepared…  Uhhhggg.

Once the pace quickened and I finally sat down to start writing, and upon opening the laptop, I saw that there was a comment on a previous blog post of mine on a different social media site.  As of yet, I hadn’t received anything negative, so I was excited to view the message.  It wasn’t from a follower.  Part of their username had the acronym “LGBT” and some numbers.  At first, I had little idea of what that stood for.  The comment stated simply: “This is just incoherent rambling”.  Nothing followed.

cropped-images-6 Hmmm…. (yep, had to pull out this pic)

So, I immediately went to the blog post that they were referring to and read it myself.  You can find the post here.  I found nothing wrong with it.  I even “jerked a tear” watching the video again.  I then looked at the comments at the bottom (in an effort to lick my wounds) and they seemed positive enough.

“This is just incoherent rambling” 

I replied to the comment and tried my best to stay “Christian like”.  I learned what LBGT stands for and my reply probably hit the mark.  I typed:  “So is 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, but I’m for ya!  Thanks for the revelation on the post.”

Now for anyone who knows me personally; this was about as Christian like as I can sometimes muster.  Work in progress, I guess.  I thank God I don’t have an acronym to describe me, however, I do care about that person and I would help that person if needed.  I will pray for that person.  I will do an inventory and at the end of this post, I will apologize to that person for being cynical towards them, But I will not be defeated!

The comment did give me a powerful reminder to watch the things that I say to others.

1 John 4:19-20

19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen can not love God whom he has not seen.

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Then it dawned on me!  Why is one comment bothering me so much?  The comment almost “took the wind out of my sails” and stopped my forward progress for the day.  I realized also that my character defects were instantly shining through.  Anger, resentment, hate, etc., etc!  All over one comment.  Dangerous place to be (as some of you may be aware).

I have to remember that the devil will jump in wherever I allow it.  I opened the door and he came in.  I don’t care to start controversy.  I care to get through my day as the Lord directs and I care to do that sober.  I suppose all of my posts can’t be uplifting because we all deal with these issues daily and I want to keep it real.

The video below is very helpful to me; if any of you have time.

Have a great Wednesday and comments are welcome!

Today’s verse to “chew on”:

Leviticus 19:18

18 You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

“Real knows Real”… Bible study 1/29/18

Have you ever been in the presence of someone, a stranger, and “sensed” evil? They didn’t do anything, didn’t say anything, but something was “off”.

And then that person speaks and what (or how) they speak confirms your intuition.  What then?  I must say that personally it invariably draws me in!  I say this in the context (and it’s difficult to explain) that I start to feel hatred.  They do not create pleasant emotions.  I start to “wish” for God to strike them down.  Culturally, the leader of North Korea is a great example of this, however this “hits home” as well.  This could happen at a gas station, a store, at rehab, or yes, even at church.

I’ve thought maybe it’s just me, however, I have asked others and turns out that isn’t the case.

The reason I am writing about this today is that I often reflect back to statements made to me that are almost a revelation (or revealing – to dull it down).  In a past rehabilitation setting, a young man and current friend in his twenties looked me in the eye and told me “real knows real”.  He said this in a very matter of fact manner and it has stuck with me ever since.

During the active phase in our addictions, we probably are at most times unaware of this “evil” that I’m writing about, although when thinking back there were brief moments of clarity.  Thank God for that, amen?

When their actions, or words, don’t necessarily even involve me, I become resentful.  In the world of recovery, most know that resentment is dangerous at a minimum.

What do we do about it?  For one, we stay away from those people! Simple right?  In the 12 step world, we say to change our “people, places, and things”, but the people variable is present no matter what we do or where we go.  This video is helpful in explaining some of what I’m talking about.

1 Corinthians 15:33  Says that “bad company corrupts good character”.  Corrupts!!  How so?  By interfering, or bumping us out of our path towards righteous, or virtuous goals. In the case of addiction or disorders, it is especially important and we must not allow it.

So, “Run Forest, Run”?  The Apostle Paul says in 15:34, essentially just that!  Break off the “leg braces” that have been holding you back for so long and you will experience freedom.

200w_d

Ezekiel 3:19  But if you do warn the wicked person and they do not turn from their wickedness or from their evil ways, they will die for their sin; but you will have saved yourself.”

Romans 16:17“I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.”

What then if it’s less sinister?  I have experienced family members and friends who don’t seem to be aware of the damage that they are causing by their words and actions.  I’m not asking for enabling conduct from them, but I don’t need to feel less than or be criticised neither.  I pray for them; along with patience, tolerance, acceptance, blah, blah, blah.   No offense God, but my alcoholic tendencies require instant gratification.  I am trying to do the best I can in my walk with the Lord, but should I run?  Not exactly.

10 Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. 11 You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned. (Titus 3:10-11)

My father has always told me to “stick with the winners”.  We know who they are (as my friend pointed out).  Our Father has given us this ability.  Let’s apply it and walk with Him today.

As always, thanks for reading and comments are welcomed.

Today’s verse to “chew on”:

Matthew 18:15-17

15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Morning Bible Studies 1/18/18

 

Topic: Off the Deep End

This morning we started out our bible study kind of clueless at where to begin honestly. (Sorry, but bear with me and keep reading, I will get to a point).  I began by just flipping through the bible – not really reading, but thinking of other things.  Others did the same.  I finally tried to focus by looking back at yesterday’s “to chew on” verse;

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. (Ephesians 6: 10-13)

…and I continued reading in my bible:

 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Just press play 🙂

 

While I was deciphering exactly what the “armor” is, another told me a verse that they were struck by:     “I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” (Jeremiah 17:10).

We continued on by determining that maybe we don’t understand this, possibly fear this and seemed to question our deeds.  This led into discussing the unexplained guilt that some of us have felt since being a child. Not one could define a single reason (or deed) for feeling not good enough.  And there we went “off the deep end”.

The guilt, shame, worthlessness, feelings of not being good enough etc., that some feel by words indoctrinated into our minds repeatedly at a young age, created who we feel like we are today! Keep in mind that in our youth, we did not understand spiritual principles set forth in the gospel (the gospel of peace – see above). We had little to no armor, today we do! And we must believe it!  When we were young, we listened to them – today, we listen to Him!

God is a loving God and who He is (as He states in Jer 17:10), is one who rewards according to their conduct.  We did nothing wrong, they did!  Our job now is to pray for them to turn away from being evil to others, to exhibit love.  It is not our job to condone what they’ve done, but only to love them (and loving them from a distance is smart).  We don’t (and shouldn’t) continue to allow disparagement in any form.  We are God’s children and we answer to Him.

Lord, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps. Discipline me, Lord, but only in due measure—not in your anger, or you will reduce me to nothing. Pour out your wrath on the nations that do not acknowledge you, on the peoples who do not call on your name… (Jeremiah 10:23-25)

Please watch the video above.   Maybe I am wrong, but I have sat in a room of nearly 100 addicts and alcoholics who were practically strangers.  Some of those people I outwardly didn’t care to be around – however, if one of them suddenly had a heart attack – I would instantly jump into action without hesitation.  When I read others struggles on their blogs, or on social media, or I see someone crying – my heart instantly feels despondency and I want to comfort them somehow.  When I see a homeless person or a hungry person, I feel the compassion in my heart – and so on…  The bible study agreed they experience the same feelings.  This is the love and relationship that Jesus desired for us – and this is in our spirit!  He felt it too!  Take note: so did the Jews in the following verse:

John 11:25-45

25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

27 “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

28 After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” 29 When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. 30 Now Jesus had not yet entered the village but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31 When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.

32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.

“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

35 Jesus wept.

36 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

We all have it inside of us and we are all worthy!  Take up space!  Hope this has helped someone.  Feel free to comment.  Todays “to chew on” verse is:

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

 

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