He wept, and I was causing it…

Another exerpt from the book:


John 11:35

35 Jesus wept.

…I have walked many miles.  I slept very little last night and I was cold.  One eye open for the most part of the extremely long night. Once the vodka wore off and the night set in, I was scared to death.  The only peace I felt was that I gathered 7 or 8 half cigarettes and I protected those with my life – well, those and my cell phone. Finally, daybreak.  I’ve got to sneak out of this hiding spot and blend in with the city.  I won’t need to use the restroom – I’ve got nothing in me.  First thing’s first, gotta find a cigarette and get my phone charged where there is WiFi.  Now is when I begin to realize how dirty I am – and it is getting hot.  My socks are literally sticking to my feet and I begin to wonder if my feet are medically okay, however, I must keep walking.  To where I have no idea.  I haven’t eaten today and I think yesterday neither. I need a real cigarette.  A whole one – not someone else’s half-smoked butt.  I have too much pride to bum one from a stranger, but if I could just have a whole one, and some vodka, I would be great!  Ahhh, a Mcdonalds.  WiFi and an outlet, maybe a half cigarette.  I can feel the eyes on me.  Am I that rough looking?  Will the manager let me loiter?  Man, the food smells good, will someone please take pity on me and buy me a sausage biscuit?  I won’t dare ask…

The master plan: Somehow, once again, I have to swindle my sister to wire $20 to the nearest Western Union.  This will be after a psychotic amount of texts and phone calls. I am so mad at her for not responding quickly to my texts!  My cell phone battery is about to run out and the only hope I have is that I have bothered her enough or laid on enough of a guilt trip that she will surprise me with a confirmation code.  Maybe she’ll send more than $20 I think.  Doesn’t she realize what a great guy I am for only asking for $20?  Doesn’t she realize how hungry I am!  She must feel sorry for me.  I promise her that I will buy food with the money – and I mean it this time because I am so hungry.  I know; I’ll tell her how much I love her!  That always does the trick.  “Kill her with kindness.”  My phone dings!  My heart races and I am somewhat afraid to look at the text because it’s a rejection.  How could she reject me!  I am her blood brother and I would do the same for her!  The last time (two days ago) that I got money from her, she gave me a sermon about getting my life together.  She yelled and yelled.  I kept my responses meek and humble.  What right does she have to yell at me! She does wrong things all the time.  Oh, the hunger pangs.  Where am I anyway?  She responds with a confirmation code!  Life is okay.  I check maps on my phone for the Western Union and it’s only a 4-mile walk, but I now have the energy I need to get there.  It’s located in a little mini-mart gas station about a mile from Wal-mart.  I’ll get the $20 and walk to Walmart, buy some food, snap some pictures and text them to my sister.  This will prove how responsible I was with her money and she will be so happy.  I should get a pack of cigarettes while I’m here.  Maybe one tall can of beer. The rest I’ll spend on food.  I buy vodka, beer and a pack of cigarettes. Life is good.  Two dollars left.  That’s enough for a coffee and a sausage sandwich – tomorrow morning…


I received a lot of feedback from yesterday’s post, thanks!  Feel free to keep the comments coming, or send me an email.  Have a great Tuesday.

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